NEWPORT NEWS — Karen Grazionale remembers what she did the night her husband, Victor, came home after spending more than 60 days in the hospital following an accident that left him with a traumatic brain injury.
“After I got him up the stairs and in the bed, I just sat and cried because it was like, ‘Now what do I do?’” she said.
On a Monday morning in early February 2016, Victor was on what he called a jog/walk with friends near Buckroe Beach when he was hit by a car.
All of his ribs were broken, along with a couple of vertebrae, and he suffered permanent brain damage. He was in the ICU at Riverside Trauma Center for about two months, then went to rehab for a little while before going home.
“When he came home, I had a pamphlet with all the medications he was on, a bunch of prescriptions, some medical equipment,” Karen said.
However, one thing was missing.
“The biggest thing is there was nobody who said, ‘Here’s what you do next.’ And I’ve had to figure it out on my own,” she said.
Part of that was finding support groups. There were plenty available for Victor, but after spending so much time caring for him, Karen needed time for herself.
She was looking for a support group for those who care for people who have suffered brain injuries. When she couldn’t find one, Karen decided to start one so others won’t have to go through what she has.
“I want it to be a place for wellness and care of the caregiver because we spend a lot of time focusing on our loved ones and it doesn’t leave a lot of time for ourselves,” she said.
Karen had the first Brain Injury Family Support Group meeting in March and will continue with the meetings the second Tuesday of every month. Caregivers of anyone suffering from dementia to traumatic brain injuries are welcome. The meetings are at the Denbigh House, 12725 McManus Blvd., suite 2E in Newport News.
“There doesn’t seem to be anything between Richmond and here that targets the family,” she said.
Karen’s husband, Victor, is all for the group.
“I’m supportive of it,” he said. “I’ve been getting a lot of help over the last couple years. … It wasn’t until Karen decided to start doing this group that I realized she needed some help with a lot of stuff.”
More than 28,000 Virginians suffer traumatic brain injuries every year, according to the Brain Injury Association of Virginia. That leaves a lot of family members in the same situation as Karen.
“So the idea is that, as a group, we are going to work together and help encourage and support one another,” Karen said.
Three people attended the first meeting in March, and four in April.
“I was hoping to get anywhere from 5-10,” Karen said. “Since then, I’ve had people reach out to me.”
It was more about how engaged they were and what they talked about than the numbers.
“It wasn’t a sit-around and just listen,” Karen said. “They actually did a really good job of setting the tone for future meetings and talking about what kinds of needs we all have. … So it was a really good kickoff even though it was a small group.”
Karen also wants to help people wade through the red tape, find the right doctors and coordinate the care of their loved ones and the sharing of medical records.
“You learn from each other’s experiences,” she said. “So that’s an important thing about this group because we come at it from different angles and perspectives.”
Karen found out in that first meeting that it was difficult for the caregivers to talk about themselves. One rule she had in that first meeting was that the caregivers couldn’t talk about their injured loved ones. She mentioned one person in particular struggled with that.
“He’s like, ‘This has to be all about me?’” Karen said. “And I said, ‘Yes.’ That just shows we don’t think about ourselves.”
The caregivers often feel guilty spending time away from their injured family member, which is hard for some people to understand.
“If I go to get my hair done or go to the spa and spend all day, I might enjoy it in the moment but when it’s over, I’ve got to rush home,” Karen said. “And then do I feel guilty for those 3, 4, or 5 hours that I spent at the spa?
“In that support group, those folks understand what you mean. When I say that to family and friends … they don’t get why it’s hard to do.”
For information on the support group, email Karen Grazionale at [email protected].
