WILLIAMSBURG — After surviving an abusive relationship and reclaiming her voice, Williamsburg resident Autumn Baker developed a vendetta against abusers and decided to use her voice to promote awareness, support, and change.
She created “Almost Oblivious,” a podcast that seeks to shatter the silence around domestic violence and make a difference, one story at a time.
Even as a criminal justice major, Baker did not initially recognize her abuse, “I feel like society really pushes the toxic relationship — that’s what to strive for — if the guy is mean to you, it means he likes you. No one talks about it because it is embarrassing. That’s the stigma.”
Allowing people to talk about their experiences, share information, and find support has become Baker’s mission.
“I was a domestic abuse court advocate. I learned what I needed to do to get out of my scenario, and during it, I realized there wasn’t a community to help each other. At all. People are like, ‘Oh, relationships are hard. You guys are going to fight. You’re going to struggle.’ That was always shoved down my throat growing up. So, fighting was normal. Which I can tell you now, with my current husband, no, it is not,” she explained.
“As I was getting out of that relationship, I was constantly told, ‘Don’t talk about it and move on.’ And, I felt the opposite. I wanted to tell everyone what happened. I don’t deal with bullies, I don’t like bullies, and my ex was definitely a bully.”
A victim may lack community. Podcasts seem to naturally create community.
“Every episode, I say, ‘Community is going to be the biggest thing to help you get out of your situation.’ That’s why I ended up telling everyone. I want to create an ‘Almost Oblivious’ community where people can lean on each other and talk to each other, and break the silence on domestic violence so it’s not such a stigma. The statistics are one in four women and one in seven men aged 18 and older have been victims of domestic violence by an intimate partner. That doesn’t include other family members. We want a community where people can listen together and bond with each other,” said Baker.
Building the “Almost Oblivious” podcast and community was not easy.
Baker felt the space was lacking a unique perspective. “I would see someone was a survivor just talking about their experience, or victim advocates who were never survivors. I never saw in between. I have the experience of being a survivor and a victim advocate.”
“I have always stood up for what I believe in. And, I knew if I felt this way — that I shouldn’t talk about it — I should do the opposite. And, if other victims were scared to talk, I would happily be a voice for them and stand up for them,” stated Baker.
Additionally, she was concerned about legal ramifications. “It took two years to get the podcast launched. The podcast industry was new to me. If I was going to go, it needed to be correct. I even spoke to attorneys to make sure what I could and couldn’t say. And, if I were bringing survivors on the show, I wanted to make sure they are protected. They are the main focus.”
“I want to make sure they are protected but can get out their story in a safe and dynamic way. I will not risk their well-being because I wasn’t prepared. If you rush it, you will get rushed results.”
In Survivor Story episodes, Baker uses pseudonyms and changes locations to keep participants protected.
Podcasts are a good medium to communicate with all walks of life, localities, and ages, said Baker, but she works to keep the focus on facts and not become overly emotional. “I try to make sure the audience hears survivors of domestic violence, loved ones, and anyone in general who wants to understand the dynamics of abuse. I try to make it relatable, but a big thing I strive for is to be very factual. I have learned through my own, as a core advocate and in my own experience, that I recover better if I have the facts.”
Sharing her story, as well as others, “has been very interesting and eye-opening, and really heartwarming, so that my friends and family feel comfortable to reach out to me about it.”
“I have had a lot of people tell me, ‘I didn’t know I was in an abusive relationship until I listened to the podcast.’ Specifically, they love episode four, which is about my best friend’s view on my relationship since she knew me before, during, and after. A lot of people do not know how domestic abuse can affect not just victims but also friends of victims.”
Baker feels it is important to incorporate resources into her platform and guide those in need of assistance.
“If someone feels they are in an abusive situation, I advise them to reach out directly to thehotline.org. They can actually talk to you — either through text or a call — and they can help with the next steps. Many people do not want to go to their friends or family because of the stigma,” Baker explained.
She added, “If someone is in an abusive relationship, I want them to know you are not alone. It’s not your fault. Help and hope are available. And, when you are ready to leave, there are people who believe them and will walk with them.”
“Almost Oblivious” — the name — reflects how many survivors do not recognize they are being abused until they are deep into it, said Baker.
“Abuse can be subtle and manipulative. Many people feel isolated, ashamed, and confused. I felt like I was hitting a wall. You know you’re in it, but survivors, when they know they are in it, know something is off and wrong, but they remain almost oblivious to it. All I want are listeners to feel validated, educated, and less alone. Whether they are still in a domestic situation or on a healing journey.” Baker continued, “I want them to listen and walk away with the tools of hope and a new perspective on what abuse can look like and how to move forward.”
“I want to change the viewpoint on domestic violence,” Baker stated.
Find “Almost Oblivious” online and through Facebook.
